The Shared Taxi from Hell

So, I eventually extricated myself from Vladikavkaz. 

On Monday morning bright and early I packed my bags up and headed to the train station to catch the earliest possible ride back to Georgia. I found a taxi driver who offered to take me, but he said if we waited a bit, he could get some passengers coming off the train to share the taxi and the cost. 
 

the demon taxi itself

Everything went wrong...

• The train wasn't arriving for half an hour, so I decided to walk to a famous pirogi place. Unfortunately, when I got there, they had just opened and didn't have any pirogis ready, so I placed an order and returned to the taxi. The driver agreed to swing by and pick up my pirogis, but we were still waiting for more passengers...

• The first girl we picked up was big, dark hair teased up into a hair sprayed, plasticky cloud, 4-inch platform heels, and the screechiest voice imaginable. She basically screamed into her cell phone in Ossetian-Georgian the whole ride.

• Then an older woman joined us. Normal enough, but she indulged the first girl and soon they were screaming together, along with the driver. 

• I somehow got sandwiched into the back middle seat, between old screamer and our final passenger (who we picked up on route to the pirogi place, an hour and a half later)

• The enormous, sweaty guy squeezed in next to me has one really long pinky nail. I am going to vomit. He's wearing jorts, a wife beater, and a cross body man purse.

 best pirogi shop in Vladikavkaz

Everyone is speaking an unintelligible mix of Ossetian, Georgian, and Russian. I initially made my dissatisfaction quite clear- I yelled at the driver because we were much later than we were supposed to be, I was hungry and worried about losing my pirogi, I knew he was over-charging me (he barely lowered the price at all when we added 3 more people to the car), and I was extremely uncomfortable...so I put on my most angry, sour face, crossed my arms, and scowled for the entirety of the ride, so for once no one talked to me...


So, no one knew I was American.
Joke's on those jerks when they found out that meant an extra hour at the border crossing hahahahahahahahahaaaha f*ck those guys.
Read the story of my FSB interrogation here!

Eventually we made it to Kazbegi. I didn't pay the taxi driver the full amount because he was a total jerk, I refused to be over-charged by that obscene amount, and I visibly saw the other passengers pay less. 

At least I got my pirogi.

mmmm tsaharadjin

The Wedding I Didn't Attend

I think Russia didn't want me to leave...but I had to go back to work. I was faced with a series of obstacles that kept me away from Tbilisi an extra 2 days- here is the story of one of those obstacles.

Original Plan
Leave Tbilisi July 22nd --> spend one night in Kazbegi
Enter Russia July 23rd
Leave Russia Sunday July 26th --> back in Tbilisi that night
Back to work Monday July 27th


So it's Saturday night, and I'm back in Vladikavkaz. While in Grozny, I met Ibragim (who offered me a job at his language school!), who happened to be visiting friends in Vladikavkaz that evening anyway, so we shared a taxi there. The taxi driver was his friend, so when we arrived we all got dinner together. After dinner, we went our separate ways. As my last night in Russia, I didn't want to go home quite yet. I decided to just stroll around the downtown pedestrian area, soaking up the nighttime atmosphere. I found myself standing on a street corner around midnight, as the bars and restaurants were closing, and young people poured out onto the sidewalks- lingering, saying slow goodbyes, trying to squeeze out the last drops of their Saturday night. Suddenly, a man called out to me from inside a car "девушка!" (girl), in typical Caucasian fashion. At first I ignored him, but eventually walked over to see what he wanted. He asked me if I needed any help, since apparently I looked lost and/or confused. I explained I was just people watching, and once he heard my accent he became really interested in me. Every time I tried to walk away (I was standing outside his car, talking to him through the window), Zaurbek reeled me back in "wait, one more question!" We talked in this way for about 30 minutes, and then I agreed to go get a drink with him.
I hopped in his fancy SUV with South Ossetian plates and we cruised around the town for a bit. He pointed out different places "that's the most exclusive club in the city," "that's where my mom works," "that's my favorite pizza place"...

We ended up at one of the only bars that was open, where we chatted over glasses of so-called Georgian wine (that was extremely disappointing compared to wine actually from Georgia) and a big bowl of french fries. It was awesome!
Around 1:30 in the morning, his phone rings. It's one of his friends calling to remind them that there's a wedding tomorrow that they're supposed to attend. "Do you want to come?" he asks me. All evening he had been trying to get me to stay another day in Vladikavkaz, but I kept explaining that I had to be at work on Monday and I needed to leave tomorrow, but now that this wedding was on the table...I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see my first Russian wedding- and a Caucasian one at that! So I agreed.

The next day I spent the morning shopping for a dress to wear to the wedding. I had no idea what kind of thing people wear to weddings in Ossetia, so I was texting Zaurbek for advice, but, being a typical boy he was absolutely unhelpful, and asking the shop girls to evaluate my choices. In the end I found the perfect dress:

As you may notice, I am not at a wedding...
When Zaurbek came to pick me up from my hotel with two of his friends, I immediately knew things weren't going to go as plans. Instead of getting in the car and going, everyone got out of the car to have a smoke and deliberate our plan. I seemed to be the only one enthused about the wedding...the boys weren't convinced the wedding would be fun.

In the end, we ended up skipping the wedding. They instead proposed a trip into the mountains- but not the really pretty mountains that were too far away, just some smaller, less nice mountains. I was wringing my hands, regretting my decision to stay the extra day in Vladikavkaz for nothing. We just drove around, apparently aimlessly, looking for corn (??) and beer. It started sprinkling and I thought for sure our mountain picnic plans were dashed. Instead, we waited out the rain in someone's brother's little cigarette shop for half an hour before forging ahead.

In the end, it turned out amazingly, and I'm so glad I stayed!
Originally I planned to leave by 4 pm so I could get the last marshrutka back to Kazbegi, but we were having a such a good time in the mountains that I decided to just go back in the morning. I can't even imagine what the bigger/better/further mountains must be like. The place we were was absolutely gorgeous: sharp W's of green-faced rocks, clumps of pale yellow and purple flowers, twisting pebble-strewn roads. On the way up we passed an ancient family watch tower- one of the most famous symbols of the Caucasus.

watch tower

The boys turned out to be so cool:
Zaurbek is a former professional freestyle wrestler- he went to the Olympics and was the world champion in 2009!
Vadim is a young, handsome dentist who apparently the ladies love because dentistry is a very lucrative field in North Ossetia!
Soso is playful, a big joker, who brought homemade beer!

L to R: Soso, Vadim, Zaurbek

We danced to Beyonce and enjoyed beer and chips on the hood of Zaurbek's car.
Also saw a relative of Princess Diana, apparently...

mountains!

 

Бригада / Brigada

There is this TV mini-series called Brigada. If you're Russian or Georgian, you already know this. If you're American, you probably haven't heard of it and you're missing out.
Every episode is on YouTube with English subtitles! If you're curious, start here.

Brigada is set in Russia in the 90s. The most traumatic, chaotic, lawless, wild, and tumultuous time in most people from the former Soviet Union's memory. The 90s were the Wild West, and the majority of people suffered greatly with the economy in shreds- savings lost, store shelves empty- and the Soviet dream of a better, cooperative, Communist world shattered. There were some, however, who capitalized on the chaos, who got lucky and took advantage of the situation. They learned the rules of the new system and quickly rose to the top- the oligarchs. Underpinning this thin uppercrust of new Russian society was a world of crime, drugs, dirty politics, and corrupt institutions which the oligarchs crawled out of. Brigada is the story of a brigade of young men who attempt to make lives for themselves in this world.

This story resonates deeply with young people in the former USSR. Mostly people who were kids in the 90s, watching their parents suffer and growing up with next to nothing. This was the time of bread lines, neighbors pooling money to buy meat and sharing it in outdoor barbecues, days without electricity or water. The story told in Brigada shows kids just like them finding success in the suffering, getting themselves and their families out of poverty by any means necessary. Also, friendship in Georgia is incredibly deep. It's a small country, and even in Tbilisi most people grow up in small, tight-knit communities. In the 90s, people bonded beyond blood. Brotherhood is a particularly stirring concept to behold, and Brigada expresses this "ride or die" (as we say in America) sentiment very well. Of course, the characters in the show are also cool as f*ck. They ride around in fancy cars, have the nicest clothes, casually amass arsenals of weapons, get all the hottest girls, and are immensely respected within the criminal gang hierarchy. The show has experienced something of a revival in popularity recently with the economic crisis- what 15 year old boy doesn't dream of trading in his parents' economic woes for the glamour and adrenaline of organized crime? 

Anyway...I love this show. I romanticize the post-Soviet 90s because I never experienced that suffering myself. I know it's a useless and perhaps even harmful romanticization of a painful period,  but I can't help it- Brigada rocks. 

Everyone should watch it! (here's that link again) 

and if you do get through it, check out some of my very random thoughts below

Caution- spoilers after the break!

• I notice some product placement: Visine, Marlboro
• Why is Sasha the only one married...?
• We didn't even find out people's real names until episode 6
• Why is there not even one female gangster? I think it would make sense and add dynamism
• That baby would be my age now...
• Farikkkkkkkkkkkkk   nooooooooooooo
• Whoa, what happened to Arthur? They took his office and his secretary lol

Faces of Georgia

What does a "Georgian" person look like?

Dark and swarthy, bearded? Slim and blonde? Turquoise eyes and black hair? A low, heavy brow and broad shoulders? Ginger?

Yes.

The thing is, "Georgian" as an ethnic group is a rather newly accepted idea. For most of Georgia's history, really until Russians came in and tried to simplify things for bureaucratic purposes, Georgians from different parts of the country were more separated (due to undeveloped transportation systems and mountainous terrain), and thus ethnic heritages remained distinct.

This can be kind of a touchy subject, as the idea of these sub-Georgian ethnicities is a big part of the conflicts in South Ossetia and Abkhazia (remember the Russian-Georgian War of August 2008? Yeah, that.)

Overall, Georgians tend to know their family's ethnic background, but don't regularly identify with it or discriminate between the ethnic groups. Sometimes last names or certain physical features can give away ethnic origin, but not always. In my unscientific pursuit of science, I have

1) Found this little chart of sub-Georgian ethnic groups

2) Conducted informal interviews with a random-ish sample of Georgians.


Below are my findings:

Name	Name in Georgian	Geographical region	Dialect or Language
Imeretians	იმერელი imereli	Imereti	Imeretian dialect
Kartlians	ქართლელი kartleli	Kartli	Kartlian dialect
Megrelians	მეგრელი megreli	Samegrelo	Megrelian language
Svans	სვანი svani	Svaneti	Svan language
Gurians	გურული guruli	Guria	Gurian dialect
Adjarians	აჭარელი achareli	Adjara	Adjarian dialect
Meskhetians	მესხი meskhi	Meskheti (Samtskhe)	Meskhian dialect
Lechkhumians	ლეჩხუმელი lechkhumeli	Lechkhumi	Lechkhumian dialect
Rachians	რაჭველი rachveli	Racha	Rachian dialect
Kakhetians	კახელი kakheli	Kakheti	Kakhetian dialect
Khevsurians	ხევსური khevsuri	Khevsureti	Khevsurian dialect
Tushs	თუში tushi	Tusheti	Tushetian dialect
Pshavians	ფშაველი pshaveli	Pshavi	Pshavian dialect
Mokhevians	მოხევე mokheve	Khevi	Mokhevian dialect
Javakhians	ჯავახი javakhi	Javakheti	Javakhian dialect

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgians#Geographic_subdivisions_and_subethnic_groups

Within these groups, there are further subdivisions that are noted if they appear in my field study.

I recorded the participant's name, their eye/hair color (some of the pictures aren't that clear, but the text is correct), and their ethnic region of origin.
One glaring oversight from the study is Mokheve people...these mountain people are one of the more "pure" ethnic lineages, and I have so many Mokheve friends that it would have been easy to get photos, I just forgot... It's a real shame too because there are some gorgeous people up there. I promise I'll update! Hopefully I'll get out to Svaneti soon too and sample them.

One last thing! Notice that within this sampling of only 21 people, 5 of them have widow's peaks! I know that a widow's peak is genetic, and I think it's common within the entire nation of Georgians.  

Hopefully this project page will be regularly updated as I gather more data! You know, for science  ;) 

Tornike.
Brown eyes, brown hair.
Guria.

Irakli.
Light blue eyes, red hair and gingy complexion.
Guria.
(claims the red hair comes from having one Russian grandmother)

Tornike.
Brown eyes, sandy brown hair.
Kartli.

Tornike.
Green-grey eyes, brown hair.
Kartli.

Akhsartag.
Dark brown eyes, black hair.
South Ossetia (not technically Georgian).

 Nino.
Brown eyes, light brown hair.
Imereti.

Giorgi.
Brown eyes, brown hair.
Imereti.

Tatia.
Brown eyes, brown hair.
Imereti.

Giorgi.
Hazel eyes, black hair.
Imereti.

Zurab.
Light blue eyes, light brown hair.
Imereti, Kakheti.

Nika.
Light brown eyes, red-brown hair, freckles.
Racha.

Lasha.
Brown eyes, brown hair.
Racha.

Dato(?)
Brown eyes, dark brown hair.
Borjomi

Zura.
Grey-green eyes, light brown hair.
Samegrelo.

Parnavaz.
Brown eyes, brown hair.
Kakheti.

Nina.
Green/hazel eyes, brown hair.
Kakheti

Tornike.
Pale blue eyes, light brown hair.
Kakheti.

Goga.
Dark brown eyes, brown hair.
Kakheti.

Giorgi.
Dark brown eyes, dark brown hair.
Kakheti.

Emzari.
Pale blue eyes, light brown hair.
Kakheti.

Vako.
Blue eyes, red-brown hair.
Lechkhumi.

Bonus!
Brown eyes, dark brown hair.
Forgot to write down his name or heritage but he works at my
favorite wine shop in Tbilisi, so I'm sure I'll see him again!

For more on Georgian men specifically, check out my outrageous expose...

Can't get enough of these gorgeous people? 

This video showcases supposedly the most beautiful Georgian men...

and this video the most beautiful Georgian women...

Dmitri Sanakoev

One time I met Dmitri Sanakoev. He was amazing.

He told me this, which I found really moving and wanted to share with you:


Man is born so that he may go through the journey of life which has been ordained for him by God. Accordingly, I believe that when a man lives rightly, he has nothing to fear, because truth is on his side. I consider my attitude towards my people to be right. Today, time has shown that the people of South Ossetia have gained nothing as a result of recognition by Russia; on the contrary, they have lost everything. They depend entirely on Russia’s politics on economic and political matters. Soon they will lose their national identity as they so quickly assimilate and disappear as a people among the other peoples of the Russian Federation. Specifically in my case, in that moment and after, the shadow of fear did not appear to me. It happened so quickly, and my sole concern was for the guys accompanying me. Thank God everything passed.

Человек рожден для того что бы пройти тот жизненный путь который предначертан ему богом ! поэтому я считаю когда человек живет правильно и ему нечего боятся потому что правда на его стороне ! мою позицию  по отношению к моему народу я считаю правильной ! сегодня время показало что народ южной осетии ничего не приобрел в результате признания со стороны России наооброт он потерял все ! он всецело завист от политики России как экономическии так и политический! скоро он потеряет свою национальную идентичность так как он так быстро ассимилируется и раствориться как народ среди других народностей рф!конкретно по моему случаю в тот момент и потом тоже у меня не появилась ни тени страха это произошло быстро и единнственное мое беспокойство было только за ребят которые меня сопровождали и все ! слава богу все обошлось !

More on Sanakoev:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMr-AqYo-9g
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/01/world/europe/01sanakoev.html?pagewanted=all
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/People_of_South_Ossetia_for_Peace