Thursday, July 9, 2015

GIRLS ONLY: an Exposé on Georgian Men

NO BOYS ALLOWED.
If you're a boy, and you insist on reading this, you can't get mad at my blatant objectification of men and probable sexism. Well, you can get mad, but you have brought it upon yourself.

Here it is, what you've all been waiting for, the complete guide to Georgian men...okay, not really. This is just a couple of observations I've made over the past few weeks about the less fair sex. Simply thoughts and personal opinions, and if you find anything here offensive, you're probably right, but sorrynotsorry. 


There are three categories of Georgian (young) men. 

  • 30-40% are extremely hot
  • 10-20% are average, normal
  • the rest are really, really scary
Let me elaborate...the hotness is pretty self-explanatory. I wish I could post pictures of real people I know, but I post this blog on my Facebook and things would get awkward very fast, so you're just going to have to trust me. In my Faces of Georgia series you can see how varied the phenotype is, but in general Georgian hotness has an aggressive masculinity to it, a roughness. There are more or less no preppy guys or 'metro-sexuals' and fashion is quite different than in the US, so adjust your expectations accordingly. One very common look is angular features (read: chiseled jaw, strong cheekbones), dark hair, maybe some stubble/5'o'clock shadow, brilliant blue-green eyes. Dark hair is most common, followed by light brown, and I've seen more gingers than expected (like 15), but natural blonde is very rare. I've also noticed a lot of men with very lush lips. 

Exhibit A: pro-footballer turned politician, Kakha Kaladze
The second group is normal. These men are clean, nice looking, probably friendly. They seem approachable and potentially fun and interesting, but no immediate thirst develops upon sight. They sometimes have very big noses, are super skinny (rarely do I see overweight young men), or have terrible haircuts (more on this later). I would definitely be friendly with a guy like this who approached me, but likely wouldn't try and approach him or garner his interest.

This third category is interesting, because it can sometimes straddle the line with the first group. I've seen lots of men who are very physically attractive, but have some kind of mannerisms, attitude, or vibe that is intensely unsettling. The defining factor is often the stare: Georgian people stare like no other, it's just not considered as rude in this culture as in the US. There are different types of stares, some significantly more creepy than others. If a hot guy looks at me, that's great, that's exciting, but if he looks at me with an intense desperation and slight anger like I'm the high school diploma he never earned...red flag. These men are scary AF. The extreme end of the spectrum is men covered in prison tattoos, missing teeth, gold teeth, or just very yellowed (ahem, cigarettes) and crooked; dirty, clothes way too tight, usually heroin-addict-thin, black fingernails, and just an overall grimy, slimy appearance. You can find these men: slinking around highway underpasses, riding the metro in the middle of the day (shouldn't you be at work?), smoking outside mini-markets, and selling fruit and old car parts at Didube (I think this is their headquarters)!

One other feature I'll mention is body hair, because that's unavoidable. I went to the beach the other day and got a pretty wide survey. There are quite a few men who just have a smattering of hair on their chests, but I didn't see anyone completely hairless on their upper half. There are also many men who are just unfortunate. I mean, body hair is definitely not a bad thing. Women have different tastes in how much hair is ideal (but actually, men, f that, who cares what girls think? Focus on being confident and happy in whatever body you have, regardless!), and different guys pull off looks differently, but sometimes it's a bit shocking. Like, how do you even get any air or light through that forest? Chest, back, shoulders, arms...also, unibrows are trending. Just be aware, ladies.

pretty typical body hair distribution pattern
These categories are really only useful when applied to younger men, because an entirely new category develops for older men...

Even the hottest Georgian boys very quickly drop into manhood suddenly and unforgivingly. They usually peak between the ages of 17 and 23 (it actually makes me feel kind of creepy how attractive I find some of these 19 year-olds), then, unfailingly, their hairlines recede, their stomachs expand, their backs grow more rounded (and hairy), their foreheads crease. It's aging, it's not unique to Georgians or men, but here it tends to happen earlier and more suddenly, and in a uniform wave. I correlate this shift with the shift into the "real world." When he gets his first real office job, the process begins. 

I'll call this the Georgian dad-bod, but without any kind of sexual appeal. Here are some great examples:
the dad bod emerges
 
this is, in fact, not a stock photo, but a FB profile pic
this hairline is a favorite

Georgian men's haircuts. I would REALLY like to use some personal pictures here, but while this post may be kind of mean, it's not that mean. There are three main tragic haircuts:
1. Very short but with thin, scraggly bangs...wtf 
2. The Dima Bilan mullet 
3. He's bald or almost bald (this happens, I get it, not really a problem, but still probably not the ideal look for most people)


Dima's bangs are nearing the danger zone, but not quite

the offending bangs are something like this

The infamous Dima mullet...the Eastern European young man's equivalent of "The Rachel"
Also note: this picture is from a website called Cool Mens Hair...
*full disclosure, despite his hair missteps, I am completely in love with Dima Bilan.

Additionally, lots of Georgian men seem to have these thick, dark, luscious eyelashes that look like they just stepped out of a CoverGirl mascara ad. 

Most guys have pretty normal, even, dare I day, attractive facial structures- it's just the styling that can be off. Bad facial hair or hair cuts, terrible clothing, weird vibes, they don't take care of their bodies, etc...

Are the photo restrictions for this post driving you crazy too? It's quite hard to find pictures online, as Googling "Georgian men" is usually just pictures of random people whose pictures were used in some article relating to the US state. My Faces of Georgia project is finally launched! Additionally, please feel free to stalk browse my facebook (look for last names ending in -shvili or -dze) or, for your viewing pleasure, here are some shots I got permission to use. Of course, I won't categorize or comment on them  ;)


(the guy on the left is not Georgian)






So, if the Georgian man appeals to you, or is just intriguing, come on over to beautiful Tbilisi! I'll give you a tour, feed you, and absolutely find you a husband- just give me half an hour to ask around.

9 comments:

  1. Interesting! :) I was born and raised in Istanbul but my dad was Georgian origin. He had very fair skin with honey colored eyes. While my-supposedly- full blooded Georgian grandpa was blond with blue eyes and he was 6'4" tall ( i am guessing that he was Svan origin. Have heard about Svans? Very isolated mountain people of Georgia and their look is way more fair and taller than many Georgians.
    My brother got his dark look from my mother's side, very good looking :)
    Georgians are also very mixed with other Caucasians. I always thought that, i am half Georgian and half Turkish but then it came out (with a DNA test): not only Georgian and Turkish but also Armenian, Circassian, Lezgin along with Italian and Greek blood. Funny, eh? :))
    IF we are talking about good looking men, i would strongly suggest you to check circassians and Tatars ;)

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  2. and i must add this: My father's side, basically, his cousins children. Guys are all soooo good looking and tall! but all of them! They are not mix like me, they are all Georgian from both sides. I wish i could share their pictures with you, you will be amazed :D

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  3. I am currently reading "The History of White People" By Nell Irvin Painter, wonderful read. I am in the early chapters and it repeatedly talks about how the Georgian men and how they basically started the ideal beauty of "white people" so I had to have a google, and your blog made me laugh but I see now why they started the centuries old craze! I'll let ya know when I'm ready for a husband ;) lol

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    1. Haha that's too funny! Sounds like an interesting book, I'll check it out. Thanks for stopping by :D

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  4. menThis one is good. keep up the good work!..

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  5. Hey!!

    You are hilarious! Me and my friend loved reading this post!! I am going to be in Tbisili on the 16th of may!it will be my first time in Georgia. Let me know if you would like to hang out!
    Nadine
    Deanmarte@gmail.com

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